The Ransom of Voldemort
by shanmo
Summary: Voldemort and his Death Eaters kiddnap who they think is a 6 year old Harry Potter... But soon, they find out it is not. They go through beatings, and soon have to pay the ransom they wanted so Harry would be returned safely.


_**The Ransom of Voldemort **_

**Chapter 1: How Dudley Dursley was Involved and **

**How Stupid the Death Eaters Really were**

_BY: Shannon Moore_

Author Note: This is my version of "The Ransom of Red Chief"; so don't make fun of me if you think it is stupid. If you haven't read the story before get the 8th grade English/Language Arts Glencoe™ book and turn to the index and try to find it! Or you could just goto and go to fiction and you should find it, because it wonr let me post the address here.

Of course O. Henry wasn't alive during the time of computers and so this story was probably copied out of a book… with no source… but it is still the same story, and it has the author's name at the top… and it is so it doesn't take credit… But still read it and you'll laugh! Also, the chapters might be really short... If I want to do about 6 or 7 chapters, which is true, I will need to make them short.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… and strangely most of the plot… or any other characters… so nothing is really mine… oh well… (I like to use "…" a lot by the way)

* * *

Now this was one of Voldemort's more stupid plans. Of course, none of the Death Easters, or himself, were sober at the time either, but it was still something only a dumb, drunk, evil guy would do. 

I mean this plan was so stupid, it was worse than when Mr. Zambini, Blasie Zambini's father, tried to send an explodable message to Harry Potter… when it was thrown out the window of which Mr. Zambini was standing under, because Harry had not known the sender's address, it killed him, and this was of course after this incident I am about to tell you. It was worse than the time that one of Voldemort's followers had suggested they just trick Harry into believing his godfather was in trouble at the Ministry, and when they almost escaped from The Order, Dumbledore almost captured him, this to was after this incredibly stupid idea.

Now if you know who Harry Potter is, than you might know everybody else I have referred to. If you haven't you can keep reading and find out who they are, or you can close the window.

* * *

**Abridged Version of the Harry Potter Dictionary**

Ministry (Pronounced: Men-is-tree) n. adj.– The Ministry of Magic more formally known as the ministry, the people who take care of the wizarding community

Blasie Zambini (Pronounced: Blaze Zam-be-knee) n. – Slytherin, who is in with Draco Malfoy's gang at Hogwarts

Draco Malfoy (Pronounced: Dra-co Mal-foi) n. – Leader of the Slytherins (you could say) at Hogwarts

Slytherins (Pronounced: Sli-ther-ins) n. adj. – People sorted into Salazar Slytherin's house at Hogwarts… Slytherin…(see: Hogwarts)

Hogwarts (Pronounced: Hog-warts) n. – Whole name: Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, place to study magic

Harry Potter (Pronounced: Hair-y Pot-er) n. – Famous Wizard who was known for vanquishing Voldemort also in Gryfindor at Hogwarts (see: Voldemort)

Gryffindors (Pronounced: Gri-fin-dors) n. adj. – People sorted into Godric Gryfindor's house at Hogwarts… Gryffindor… Also goes onto Hufflepuff (founded by Helga Hufflepuff) and Ravenclaw (founded by someone else…) (see: Hogwarts and Harry Potter books to explain who founded Ravenclaw, because the editors of this dictionary are WAY to lazy!)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

Voldemort (Pronounced: Vol-de-mort) n. – Evil guy who tried to kill Harry Potter but failed (see: Harry Potter)

* * *

From Author, to readers: 

Hee…Hee… Sorry about that Ravenclaw thing! The editors of that dictionary must be REALLY lazy! Well, anyway, on with the story:

* * *

Now see, not only was there one plan, but it leaded into a previously thought up plan. They were going to get an upgrade on their wands to make a big laser, from which they can control Harry Potter. Which was stupid on two different levels. One, because their first idea was to capture him to get a ransom for the money even though they had Harry in their hands they could just kill him there… But then again, they were drunker than Adolf Hitler probably was when he killed himself. Two, which is the worst, they were mass murderers, stole, and committed other terrible deeds, why would the Ministry give their wands upgrades anyway? 

The town was right outside of London. It was called Little Wringing, or Wining or something like that… the death eaters didnt know. Anyway, they decided to kidnap him from his muggle guardians.

He was about 6, and he was playing at the park with his "family", which completely ignored him anyway, only because his Aunt and Uncle were having an argument. Which made it easy to kidnap him.

Now, if you looked at the Harry they had kidnapped, then you would have thought he was a little chubby… and of course there was no site of a lightning shaped scar on his head, like the rumor going around had said.

But if you looked at him… he would have looked a lot like Dudley Dursley… So much like him, that he even smelled like him… it was so weird, because he was even loud like the described Dudley. But with a simple silencing charm, he was quiet. Now see, you would like me to tell you that it is Dudley, and that is what I will do. It was Dudley Dursley they had kidnapped. Hey… they WERE drunk.

Well, the way they had kidnapped him was they stole a car and killed the driver to get it. Then, they drove as best they could (which wasn't all that good) over to Dudley throwing pebbles at a nearby kitten.

"Heeeeeeeeey, kid? Wanna bag of candy and a nice ride?" Livingston, one of the death eaters asked in his long deceiting voice. Dudley nodded, and he walked out to the curb. "Come on in the car," Livingston suggested. Dudley shook his head, saying 'no'.

Malfoy, in the back seat, sneered. "Why not?" He said, also in a deceiting voice.

"M-m-my mommy says to neber go pasth the curve." He said with a slight lisp, also saying curb wrong. What was weird was that the Death Eaters never really noticed he had said that his mom had told him never to go out into the street.

"She thes th-th-that a caw could hit m-m-me." Which probably something like "She saws that a car would hit me." Not that Malfoy or Livingston cared.

"A car wont hit you if you _run_ into the back seat!" Malfoy opened the car door, while Livingston made sure the boys aunt and uncle where not watching. (A/N: Ha or tío y tía… flashback from a Spanish class… lol).

Dudley looked back at his mom and dad, and then ran across the street and flew into the back seat. He asked for the bag of candy and when he saw the door magically close without anyone grabbing it and shutting it, he didn't really worry, at least not as much as he did when he didn't get the candy.

"MOMMY! MOMMMMMMY! DADDY! DADDDDDDDDY! HE WON'T GIVE ME THE CANDY!"

Dudley… or "Harry" wouldn't stop crying, and the Death Eaters had to use a silencing charm on him. After that was done, they took him to their camouflaged brooms and put him in a black drawstring bag and fastened it to the end of all of their brooms, because it was too heavy for one broom to carry really.

As they flew off, they looked back, and they could see the parents of the kicking bag looking around frantically for their "nephew". Even though they were really thinking "Where in hell is our son!"

* * *

A/N: Next chapter coming soon! PLEASE R&R! I would really appreciate it! 


End file.
